“The Kindness of a Stranger”

22.05.15

We continue to wait for further news regarding the appointment for J’s full assessment, and while we wait Daddy P and I continue to muddle along as best we can, working hard to keep J’s routine in place, giving him a timer to help him understand limited amounts of time and what needs to be done within that time, making sure that even if he doesn’t feel the same himself that he understands why others might feel the way they do.

Something that we regularly have issues with is school drop-off. Some days, you’ll get there and the teachers have just opened the door – days like these tend to be easier, because then J will see the teachers and his classmates rushing in and he’ll grab his stuff and say goodbye and charge off eagerly to be with his friends. Some days, it’ll be a few minutes before the door opens and in those few minutes J gets bored with waiting, and distracted. I try to keep hold of him as I know that once he runs off and starts playing I won’t be able to call him back easily – it’ll take me ages calling him, trying to catch him, before I manage to get him and take him to the ramp that leads up to the door. Other days he’ll grab onto my leg when the door opens and refuse to let go – he’ll get upset about leaving me, says things like he wants to stay at home with me to make sure I’m OK.

Twice this week, I’ve had the running away experience. Earlier this week when he did it, I’d been holding his hand right til the last minute, and let go of him only to usher him up the ramp, and he turned round, dropped his things, and ran off in the opposite direction. As I stood there feeling deflated and wondering why he did these things, a young girl ran over to me and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get him,” She then wandered over to him casually, held out her hand and said, “Come on J, walk in with me.” He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. I was stood there in disbelief, and he rushed over to her and grabbed her hand, and the pair of them walked over to me. She gathered his things from where he’d abandoned them in a pile at my feet, and handed them to him, took hold of his hand again and they walked in together.

This morning, it seemed we were waiting forever for the door to open and to start with, J was perfectly happy to stay close to me and run around me and one of his classmates mums, with his classmate, chasing one another. Then the door opened and his classmate ran off up the ramp without hesitation – J shot off in the opposite direction. I’d called him and waved at him to come back, but he was off to the play equipment (which he knows he’s not meant to play on) I followed him over there, with my strict mummy voice on, and told him to get off the equipment and hurry up into the school. At first he refused, then he came down the slide and ran toward the ramp as if he was going to go in without further issue – then he changed his mind again, ran past the end of the ramp and carried on playing. Just as I was standing there wondering what to do for the best, the same young girl came over to me and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get him” for the second time this week, and she calmly walked over to him and held out her hand again. Once more she took him up the ramp and into the school. I made sure this time that I spoke with the teacher on the door, to tell her how impressed I was with this girl, because of her helpfulness and the fact that she is so willing to give me a hand getting J into school.

I was told that the same girl often keeps an eye on him in the playground, and despite the fact he’s younger than she is, she’ll let him play with her and her friends, and she’ll often help the teachers at the end of breaktime getting him back into school (it’s not just me who has issues with it then!)

It’s part of what I like about J’s school. It’s called a family school, and I wondered why that was to begin with, but they do have a strong family ethic of looking after one another. Older kids will play with younger kids, with understanding for the difference in their ages and compassion if the younger ones get injured in the playground (they escort younger ones to the first aid room) The older kids who do well are made into monitors who then spend an afternoon or two each week assisting in other classrooms – J has developed a bit of a thing for a year six girl who comes into his class on a Friday to sharpen the colouring pencils and who sits and does some reading and drawing with a couple of the children (normally including J!) The teacher on the door in the mornings isn’t a teacher who teaches J’s class - yet she knows his name and has done for some time. She’ll call him in the mornings when she sees him hurrying toward the ramp, he knows her and chats to her about his interests and what has happened and how he’s feeling. Today she was chatting to me about our plans for half term; she was saying to me that she’s found stickers work well for getting J into school after break time. It’s definitely motivation that works for J – since doing the sticker diary at home in the evenings he’s trying really hard to earn as many stickers as possible.

I don’t know anything about this girl apart from the fact that she doesn’t bat an eyelid at J throwing a wobbly and she remains calm and offers her hand for him to take when he’s not feeling co-operative. The kindness of strangers doesn’t have to be anything massive, but twice this week the same young girl has shown me how much of an effect a simple act of kindness has.

Peace & Love,

Mummy P

xxx

“Minecraft”

20.05.15

As a family, we tend to get early evening time together, between Daddy P coming home from work and J going to bed, and it’s then that we spend time doing what J decides he’d like to do. Many evenings have seen us sitting here building things from Lego; sometimes we watch a film; but J does like his video games, and he does enjoy time spent with both of us playing them.

Bearing in mind his Lego obsession, Daddy P has previously got him the Harry Potter, Star Wars, Batman and other Lego games to play. A few weeks ago, he picked up Minecraft, without really knowing a huge amount about it, but liking the look of it for J, and the description.

For those of you who have, so far, escaped the madness of Minecraft, it is one of those things that suddenly encompasses all. J wants to spend every available moment playing – which I don’t let him, but the obsession is that strong. And if he doesn’t want to play it, he wants to watch YouTube videos of it – his favourite being StampyCat, the same as many other fans. The thing is, this has become equally as popular as playing the game itself - how crazy is that?

When I went shopping for him recently, I picked up a Minecraft t shirt and a sweatshirt and he was over the moon (the t shirt has been one of those wear it, wash it, wear it again ones that is his current favourite) My list of birthday present options include combining his two favourite things - Lego & Minecraft.

The thing is, with this game, both Daddy P and myself will play for hours without getting bored, too. It’s not like the Lego games where after a short amount of time we’re ready for it to be over; this game, despite the basic appearance with the blocky graphics, is totally addictive. We’re creating huge houses – we just use the creative mode, not the survival mode – and J is learning things like the fact that water turns lava into rock.

At the moment it would appear Daddy P is building an island for his latest architectural masterpiece while Jacob combines the elements of red clay and concrete for a modern striped beach house. I'm off to watch and offer interior design assistance ...

Peace, Love & Mooshrooms,

Mummy P

xxx

“Cousins”

19/05/15

As I child, I spent a lot of time with my cousins (on my mums side of the family). Our family was close, and lived fairly closely together, so we saw quite a lot of one another, normally at our nan and granddads house, but also we had a lot of days out together, too. There was my Auntie M’s three kids and my Uncle D’s son; they were much closer in age to one another than to me – N is the eldest, then D, then the twins R and J, and I was 8 years younger than the twins. Still, I remember all of them playing with me and we were more like siblings than cousins for a long time. I have fond memories of that time.

When I found out my sister in law was pregnant with my nephew A, I was thrilled. He was born in June 2011, two months before J’s first birthday, and I was so pleased they’d be close in age and hoped they’d be able to enjoy a close friendship as I’d enjoyed with my cousins. It is, so far, working out well – there is a large distance between our families physically, but when we get the chance to spend time together the boys are great friends.

My sister in law is up for a short visit at the moment, and we made arrangements for myself and J to go round to my mum in laws house after school today for tea. I deliberately didn’t tell J until we were on our way home from school, as otherwise he’d have been miles too excited and it would have set me up for a problematic evening! We got there around half four, and the boys had fun playing with the Lego before tea; after finishing off turkey dinosaurs and smiley faces (a firm favourite of J’s) they went out in the garden to run off some excess energy – and I took this snap, which I love. I think it captures the friendship between them well; and I couldn’t be happier that J has a cousin close in age and he can experience that friendship.

Of course now the family has been added to with my sister in laws daughter, A, and on my side of the family my brother has his daughter, who has recently celebrated her first birthday, so they are all fairly close in age – certainly closer than I was with my cousins – and I look forward to many more days with them all playing together.

Today was the first day of my annual leave, and to round it off with a lovely visit like that really put the cherry on top. J had a bit of a fit when we were leaving, but it wasn’t a major meltdown and it was quickly and easily contained and dealt with, and we were merrily on our way. What a fantastic start to my time off work. Let’s hope it continues!

Peace, Love & Smiley Faces,

Mummy P

xxx

A Post About Christmas

Christmas is a funny time of year.

As a child, I had the most magical Christmases ever. The anticipation, the build up, the big day itself and even the come-down afterwards was one brilliant moment as far as I was concerned.

For a long time, I was the youngest child in the family. I had cousins, but those I saw over Christmas were older than me. I was eight when my brother was born and he added the sparkle that had started to fade for me and it was magical again. When he was ten, my cousin had her son, and again the presence of a child in the family made it magical once again.

Our Christmases were simple, but special. It was an event always held at my grandparents’ house. In the weeks leading up every time we’d visit you’d see more evidence of Christmas approaching – decorations that started off in the hallways and then into the rarely used dining room and the even more rarely used front room, where the tree would be on top of the bureau, the same tree and decorations as the ones my mum and her siblings had used, delicate glass baubles in ancient cardboard boxes.

Either the weekend before Christmas, or on Christmas Eve, we’d go round to Nan and Grandad’s house with the presents. Nan would put them all in the front room, and on Christmas Eve before she went to bed she would put everyone’s presents into piles. A magical moment for me as a kid was walking into that room first on Christmas morning and seeing all those piles of presents. We had our special spots in the room for our gifts to be piled, and in the middle of the room my granddad would put two bin bags for all the rubbish.

First thing on Christmas morning, my brother and I would open our Father Christmas presents in our mum and dads room. Then we’d get washed and dressed in our best outfits, and head over to Nan and Grandad’s house. Breakfast would be coffee and bacon sandwiches for the grown ups, orange juice and bacon sandwich for us kids. My mum has two sisters and a brother, and when I was young they’d all head to Nan and Grandad’s house for Christmas Day. Her brother would come with his wife and their son, whose 8 years older than me; one sister would come with her husband, the other sister with her three children. Then there’d be me, and later on my brother, plus mum and, when he wasn’t working, dad (he normally was working though! He was a frontline ambulance technician when I was a child)

After breakfast we’d go into the front room. It was a magical moment for me as a child. We all went to our piles of presents and wait til everyone was in there and ready. Then we’d start, a frenzy of unwrapping and thank you’s and hugging and kissing until every last present in the pile was open. Usually at that point everyone would leave in their own cars to go to the church service at the same church where my grandparents, parents and brother got married, which was next to elderly residential flats where my great grandmother lived. After church we’d go and pile into her tiny one room flat to visit with her and my great aunt, who lived in the opposite flat.

Back at home while we’d all been out my nan would have tidied up the front room and dinner would be ready when we got back after visiting with my great grandmother and great aunt. Two dining tables would be pushed together in the dining room and we’d all sit round to eat. After dinner and tidying up we’d relax and play with our Christmas gifts. The family grew, and the family shrank over years, but we continued with our tradition until I was an adult.

After that, when both my nan and granddad had passed away, the family separated out. By then I was with Daddy P, so we divided our Christmastime between my family and his, but with no children and no traditions it seemed to lack a certain sparkle and wasn’t as special as I always remember it being.

J's 1st Christmas

Then came the first Christmas with J, in 2010 – he was only four months old but his presence added something that had been missing from Christmas for some time. In 2011 we celebrated my nephew’s first Christmas and in 2014 we celebrated my niece’s first. The presence of children in a family definitely bring back that Christmas sparkle for me. Seeing them enjoy the magic of it all and helping create memories for them to treasure when they’re older; that’s what Christmas is all about for me. As J gets older it becomes more magical – now he’s four he gets thoroughly caught up in the magic of Father Christmas, and elves, the decorations and the sparkling lights, the buying of gifts for others and receiving gifts himself.

It does make me wistful for people no longer here, though. It makes me miss my grandparents even more because Christmas was always a time I remember spending with them. I remember the smell of the cigars my uncle used to smoke in the front room after dinner, the way nan used to be wearing her apron over the top of her new outfit all day long because she was in and out of the kitchen preparing a vast array of food for every hour of the day (you always left her house feeling a dress size larger than when you’d gone in!)

Having said that, isn’t it what life is all about? Having wonderful memories of your own childhood to reminisce about while creating memories for your children? There’s still so many times I see things and think nan would like that, or granddad would, or my uncle, or my great grandmother or my great aunt, but now there’s also things I see that make me think J would like that, or my nephew would, or my niece would. 

As these three grow up I’d love them to enjoy a magical time every Christmas, and will be trying to make sure they each have wonderful memories too. 

J with my nephew A
My niece R