The morning of my 20 week scan, I was still in two minds about finding out whether bump was a girl or a boy. We never found out with J, and I still remember the moment clearly when Daddy P saw (after he was born) and said to me, “You were right” – and I don’t remember clearly a whole lot else about that time. It was exhilarating and exciting to wait to find out, and part of me wanted to do that again this time round.
However, on the other hand, part of me wanted to find out. If bump was a girl, I would get rid of all (most) of the bits I’d held onto from J and get a new-born wardrobe tailored toward her. Being able to tell J about his baby brother, or baby sister, whichever way round it was, would make it easier to discuss things with him and get him more used to the idea before baby arrived. He would be able to help me choose things specifically for baby.
Right up until the moment the lady started the scan I hadn’t made my mind up but then I thought to hell with it, I’m not going to do this again and I didn’t find out last time so let’s do it differently this time round and I said to her if it’s possible to tell me I’d like to find out.
Bump had different ideas. The 20 week scan, as you know, is an anomaly scan, so the sonographer needed to find certain things and tick certain boxes to confirm all was OK. Bump wasn’t in the right position for her to find and check all she needed to, nor was bump in the mood to let us in on the secret of whether J was going to have a baby brother or a baby sister. After 45 minutes of scan, the sonographer gave up and booked me in for another scan at 22 weeks. I left feeling pleased all was OK so far as she could tell, a little nervous that she hadn’t been able to confirm what she needed to, and a little disappointed that I still didn’t know bump’s secret.
The next appointment was on a date when J was on holiday from school. Daddy P and I made the decision to take him with us, to include him in the pregnancy as much as we could, to let him see baby and understand a little more. Unfortunately we were delayed getting into the scan to start with, so J had become bored and difficult at the wait, despite the fact I’d deliberately taken a little back pack for him with cars, little books to read and sticker books. We got into the room, and it was the same lady, so she started off and we were laughing and chatting and the atmosphere was relaxed.
To begin with, it held J’s attention, but once again bump was in an awkward position and the sonographer still couldn’t see what she needed to. She asked me again whether I wanted to know the secret, and I said yes, if it was possible. She smiled and had a check.
At that point J became bored of the scan as it had been going on for a little while and he wasn’t as interested as I had hoped he would be. He got off Daddy P’s lap and wandered off past the end of the couch I was lying on and where the sonographer was sitting and he went straight to the computer on the desk in the corner. Once he realised that at that end of the room was quite interesting he didn’t want to go back to Daddy P and the situation escalated quickly with J and Daddy P having a stand off about J doing what he was asked. In amongst it all, the sonographer looked at me and said, “I’m not sure, because the cord is between the legs, but I think, most probably, boy,” And despite the fuss of the two boys I already had bickering in the background I felt my heart burst.
The sonographer still hadn’t been able to check all she needed to, so the scan continued. J continued making a fuss, so Daddy P ended up having to take him out of the room. The room was nice and peaceful and she looked carefully and managed to see everything she needed to as bump shifted around. She checked again and said to me, “Yes, that’s a better view, I’d definitely say boy,”
While J’s meltdown only escalated, that’s a whole other story I won’t go into here, but for the rest of the day all I could think of was this second precious son I carried and all the overwhelmed feelings of how would I cope with two sons, and how wonderful two sons is, and how brilliant that my boys would have almost exactly five years between them, and how scary to go back now to the new-born days when J is an independent child now who likes to do as much as possible for himself. When I put him to bed that night, I asked him what he thought about the news that he was going to have a baby brother.
He threw his arms round me and told me he was very pleased about that, because he wanted a boy baby. We spoke about it for a little while and then, since Daddy P and I had already discussed names, and the fact that we couldn’t agree on a boys name, Daddy P asked J what he thought would be a good name for his brother.
J scrunched up his face and thought for a moment, then replied, “Bob.”
And so the nickname for this bump was born. This is Baby Bob.