“Days Like These”

23/06/15

Sometimes, we have periods of days at a time where J’s behaviour is fabulous. Not flawless, because what four year old child is, but days at a time when we don’t have meltdowns or tantrums, hitting or throwing things.

At other times, we struggle to get through a day without several instances of up / down behaviour. Days like these are exhausting. Days like these, when I’m pushed to my limits, I wonder how I can cope, I wonder what I’m doing wrong, I wonder why I’m such a rubbish mum that he acts this way. Days like these are, unfortunately, more often than not.

Today, we’d had a fabulous day. He was up this morning in a good mood, well rested and energised. He ate breakfast and got washed and dressed without me having to prompt him every two minutes to hurry up. We left the house on time and he walked nicely to school, holding my hand, chattering excitedly as four year olds do at 8.30am about who he was going to see, who he wanted to play with and talk to, and the things he wanted to do. At school, the door opened and he gave me a hug and a kiss and with a casual, “Bye mum, love you” over his shoulder he ran full pelt up the ramp and into school. The teacher who stands at the door looked over to me and gave me a big smile and two thumbs up. I smiled and gave her a thumbs up back. A successful morning.

At the end of school, the teaching assistant Miss Brown said to me that J had a good day. She said they’d spoken about the school trip tomorrow and he was excited about it – I had been dubious as he’d been rather apprehensive last week at the prospect of travelling out of school without me or Daddy P – but she said today they’d had a chat and she’d told him some of the things they’d be seeing and doing and he was looking forward to it. One of the children celebrates their birthday tomorrow, so their birthday lunch was today and each child in the class walked out with a cupcake. Miss Morris, the other teaching assistant, smiled at me and said it had been a good day today. J came out happily, clutching his cupcake, and took my hand to walk out of the school without any issue.

We walked part of the way home with his best friend, K, and her mum and baby sister. J and K were chatting and hugging the whole time, as they do, and when we got to the point where they head in the opposite direction to get to their house, K ran off from her mum because she wanted to come home with us. Instead of running off to join her, J stood next to me, holding my hand, and called her a silly head for running away from her mum, and told her she should come back and hold her mums hand, because we were on a main road and, as he pointed out, main roads are dangerous and she shouldn’t be running around like that next to one. When she ran back, her mum managed to get hold of her hand, and she and J hugged and kissed and said goodbye. Without any argument, J then turned and walked away from her, still holding my hand, and we walked home. A successful school pick up.

At home, he got changed and then we sat down to do his homework. He was a bit silly about it at times, and got a bit distracted, but I reminded him that it needed to be done before I’d let him watch any TV (the biggest threat there meaning he couldn’t watch his beloved DanTDM Minecraft videos on YouTube) It helped to focus him, and the homework was finished before the timer went off. He watched some YouTube videos while I cooked his dinner, and ate most of his dinner before the timer went off. A successful homework and dinner time.

Daddy P got home from work, and we watched TV together with J cuddled up on the sofa with me, and Daddy P and I ate dinner. Unfortunately it ended up that it was later than it should have been by the time J went upstairs with Daddy P and that’s where the issues started. To start off J didn’t want to get into his PJs – then he started being silly about brushing his teeth, and started arguing with Daddy P about it. It didn’t take long for this to escalate, as they (metaphorically) butted heads as only a parent and a child who share a similar personality will do. The job of brushing teeth before bed, which should in theory take only a couple of minutes, turned into a 20 minute mission with J becoming upset, frustrated, crying, shouting, kicking, hitting, calling Daddy P a meanie head and generally the both of them becoming wound up by what should have been a straightforward situation.

Once it was done, and J was back in his bedroom, the switch flicked again and J was calm, wanting cuddles, seeking my affection and wanting to snuggle down and have stories read to him, as if the screaming and shouting of the last 20 minutes hadn’t happened.

It was only a small hiccup in an otherwise fabulous day. For J, it was a tiny glitch and given that it wasn’t a huge meltdown and it only lasted 20 minutes, that was a very minor moment over the whole day. But it’s an example of how quickly his mood will swing.

It’s difficult, as his parent, not to continue feeling annoyed and disgruntled with him for the less desirable behaviour once the moment has passed and he is once again ‘up’ and behaving in a more desirable way. You have to literally take a moment to have a deep breath before you continue, because if you carry on feeling down after a glitch like that, you’ll very quickly push J back into another moment. The more moments he has over the day, the more tiring it is for you both, and the worse the day feels. If you can get over it as quickly as he does, and move onto the next moment of the day without carrying those feelings of annoyance over from one moment to the next, then you’re going to have a better day.

It’s difficult, because parents who don’t deal with this type of behaviour often (I’m sure) think I’m being soft on J, that I’m somehow not punishing him enough for the less desirable behaviour, that I’m forgiving and forgetting too easily – but he processes things and deals with things in a different way to the generally accepted way of processing and dealing, and I’ve found that for him, my way of dealing seems to work well (on the whole). I break each day down into small segments – as well as remembering that he processes differently, he is only four years old, he’s still learning and developing, and a day to him is a long period of time, so it’s important, I think, not to carry on about something that happened in the morning well into the evening – it’s lost relevance by then. By breaking the day down into smaller segments, it makes it easier for him to process and it makes it easier for him to understand consequences of his actions. There’s no point telling him off in the evening for something he did in the morning. At the end of each day, we talk about the day in segments, and I award him stickers for each segment if he has behaved well for that particular segment. If not, no sticker, and then we count up how many stickers he has earned over the whole day, so then this allows him to see whether he has had a good day or a not so good day.

I’m learning more and more each day from him on what works better, how he works, what works for us as a team as we try to understand one another, what’s expected, what’s accepted, and we both make mistakes on a daily basis. The most important thing to me, is that no matter what, J knows I’m on his side; I’m trying my best, and I know he is, too. This journey we’re on has only just begun, and it’s exhausting and overwhelming and daunting, but we’ll make it together, because after all, he’s my boy, I’m his mum, and that love gives me the strength to fight these battles with him, to stand up straight and look to the future and not to be scared of it, but to want to educate myself, and others, and to find out all I can to help me better understand how I can support him.

It does make me angry and frustrated when people stare because he’s stimming, or behaving in a way they don’t understand because he’s feeling overwhelmed in a situation, but it doesn’t help to try and deal with them at the same time, so I tend to block out everyone else and deal with J as if we’re the only two people there. Quite often when I’m doing that, other people try and talk to me, try to help, try to make suggestions, and I find it easier to ignore them, which I’m sure they think is me being rude, and in a way it is, but my point is that I need to deal with him and the issues that he is having at that time – He is my priority, and with someone else trying to interfere with that it is not helping the situation.  If they stick around for long enough after the incident for me to speak with them, I’ll try to explain, but more often than not people tend to either leave you to it or when you try and explain they think you’re making excuses for what is a badly behaved child. I’ve overheard people say that I just need to tell him no, that I need to be more strict with him, that I need to give him a smack, and trust me when I say there have been times when I’ve wondered the same myself – but I’m not soft on him, he has rules and limitations and I don’t let him run riot, so even though I have these moments of doubt I can say confidently that this isn’t the reason for his less desirable behaviour. As for giving him a smack – well no, I don’t believe that solves anything. I have slapped his hands for things like reaching toward the fire or going to poke the dog, but I’m not the sort of person who believes that smacking a child to discipline them works, on the whole. I prefer to teach by example, rather than using fear of physical injury.

We’re no closer to any kind of diagnosis, which is frustrating, because I’m still waiting for an appointment for his assessment with the CDC. Having said that, I appreciate we are already at this point in the process, as I know of other people whose children are older than J who are still waiting for their GP to provide a referral, or for their child’s school to recognise an issue and start the ball in motion. I’m relieved that J’s school picked up on it quickly, and early on, and have taken it seriously, and I’m grateful to the SENCO at his school who has been by my side from early on supporting me and guiding me to get to the bottom of it all.

We’re just taking each day as it comes – as exhausting and exhilarating as it is – but by doing that we’re getting through each week, each month – and each year. He’ll be five in a little over two months time, yet it seems like just yesterday he was born. While some days feel endless, and I’m exhausted and don’t think I can do it all again tomorrow, we’re getting there together and at the end of each day, no matter what it’s been like, when he hugs me tightly and tells me he loves me, I know absolutely that every single moment is worthwhile.

Peace & Love,

Mummy P

x x x x x

“The Kindness of a Stranger”

22.05.15

We continue to wait for further news regarding the appointment for J’s full assessment, and while we wait Daddy P and I continue to muddle along as best we can, working hard to keep J’s routine in place, giving him a timer to help him understand limited amounts of time and what needs to be done within that time, making sure that even if he doesn’t feel the same himself that he understands why others might feel the way they do.

Something that we regularly have issues with is school drop-off. Some days, you’ll get there and the teachers have just opened the door – days like these tend to be easier, because then J will see the teachers and his classmates rushing in and he’ll grab his stuff and say goodbye and charge off eagerly to be with his friends. Some days, it’ll be a few minutes before the door opens and in those few minutes J gets bored with waiting, and distracted. I try to keep hold of him as I know that once he runs off and starts playing I won’t be able to call him back easily – it’ll take me ages calling him, trying to catch him, before I manage to get him and take him to the ramp that leads up to the door. Other days he’ll grab onto my leg when the door opens and refuse to let go – he’ll get upset about leaving me, says things like he wants to stay at home with me to make sure I’m OK.

Twice this week, I’ve had the running away experience. Earlier this week when he did it, I’d been holding his hand right til the last minute, and let go of him only to usher him up the ramp, and he turned round, dropped his things, and ran off in the opposite direction. As I stood there feeling deflated and wondering why he did these things, a young girl ran over to me and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get him,” She then wandered over to him casually, held out her hand and said, “Come on J, walk in with me.” He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. I was stood there in disbelief, and he rushed over to her and grabbed her hand, and the pair of them walked over to me. She gathered his things from where he’d abandoned them in a pile at my feet, and handed them to him, took hold of his hand again and they walked in together.

This morning, it seemed we were waiting forever for the door to open and to start with, J was perfectly happy to stay close to me and run around me and one of his classmates mums, with his classmate, chasing one another. Then the door opened and his classmate ran off up the ramp without hesitation – J shot off in the opposite direction. I’d called him and waved at him to come back, but he was off to the play equipment (which he knows he’s not meant to play on) I followed him over there, with my strict mummy voice on, and told him to get off the equipment and hurry up into the school. At first he refused, then he came down the slide and ran toward the ramp as if he was going to go in without further issue – then he changed his mind again, ran past the end of the ramp and carried on playing. Just as I was standing there wondering what to do for the best, the same young girl came over to me and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get him” for the second time this week, and she calmly walked over to him and held out her hand again. Once more she took him up the ramp and into the school. I made sure this time that I spoke with the teacher on the door, to tell her how impressed I was with this girl, because of her helpfulness and the fact that she is so willing to give me a hand getting J into school.

I was told that the same girl often keeps an eye on him in the playground, and despite the fact he’s younger than she is, she’ll let him play with her and her friends, and she’ll often help the teachers at the end of breaktime getting him back into school (it’s not just me who has issues with it then!)

It’s part of what I like about J’s school. It’s called a family school, and I wondered why that was to begin with, but they do have a strong family ethic of looking after one another. Older kids will play with younger kids, with understanding for the difference in their ages and compassion if the younger ones get injured in the playground (they escort younger ones to the first aid room) The older kids who do well are made into monitors who then spend an afternoon or two each week assisting in other classrooms – J has developed a bit of a thing for a year six girl who comes into his class on a Friday to sharpen the colouring pencils and who sits and does some reading and drawing with a couple of the children (normally including J!) The teacher on the door in the mornings isn’t a teacher who teaches J’s class - yet she knows his name and has done for some time. She’ll call him in the mornings when she sees him hurrying toward the ramp, he knows her and chats to her about his interests and what has happened and how he’s feeling. Today she was chatting to me about our plans for half term; she was saying to me that she’s found stickers work well for getting J into school after break time. It’s definitely motivation that works for J – since doing the sticker diary at home in the evenings he’s trying really hard to earn as many stickers as possible.

I don’t know anything about this girl apart from the fact that she doesn’t bat an eyelid at J throwing a wobbly and she remains calm and offers her hand for him to take when he’s not feeling co-operative. The kindness of strangers doesn’t have to be anything massive, but twice this week the same young girl has shown me how much of an effect a simple act of kindness has.

Peace & Love,

Mummy P

xxx

“Minecraft”

20.05.15

As a family, we tend to get early evening time together, between Daddy P coming home from work and J going to bed, and it’s then that we spend time doing what J decides he’d like to do. Many evenings have seen us sitting here building things from Lego; sometimes we watch a film; but J does like his video games, and he does enjoy time spent with both of us playing them.

Bearing in mind his Lego obsession, Daddy P has previously got him the Harry Potter, Star Wars, Batman and other Lego games to play. A few weeks ago, he picked up Minecraft, without really knowing a huge amount about it, but liking the look of it for J, and the description.

For those of you who have, so far, escaped the madness of Minecraft, it is one of those things that suddenly encompasses all. J wants to spend every available moment playing – which I don’t let him, but the obsession is that strong. And if he doesn’t want to play it, he wants to watch YouTube videos of it – his favourite being StampyCat, the same as many other fans. The thing is, this has become equally as popular as playing the game itself - how crazy is that?

When I went shopping for him recently, I picked up a Minecraft t shirt and a sweatshirt and he was over the moon (the t shirt has been one of those wear it, wash it, wear it again ones that is his current favourite) My list of birthday present options include combining his two favourite things - Lego & Minecraft.

The thing is, with this game, both Daddy P and myself will play for hours without getting bored, too. It’s not like the Lego games where after a short amount of time we’re ready for it to be over; this game, despite the basic appearance with the blocky graphics, is totally addictive. We’re creating huge houses – we just use the creative mode, not the survival mode – and J is learning things like the fact that water turns lava into rock.

At the moment it would appear Daddy P is building an island for his latest architectural masterpiece while Jacob combines the elements of red clay and concrete for a modern striped beach house. I'm off to watch and offer interior design assistance ...

Peace, Love & Mooshrooms,

Mummy P

xxx

“Cousins”

19/05/15

As I child, I spent a lot of time with my cousins (on my mums side of the family). Our family was close, and lived fairly closely together, so we saw quite a lot of one another, normally at our nan and granddads house, but also we had a lot of days out together, too. There was my Auntie M’s three kids and my Uncle D’s son; they were much closer in age to one another than to me – N is the eldest, then D, then the twins R and J, and I was 8 years younger than the twins. Still, I remember all of them playing with me and we were more like siblings than cousins for a long time. I have fond memories of that time.

When I found out my sister in law was pregnant with my nephew A, I was thrilled. He was born in June 2011, two months before J’s first birthday, and I was so pleased they’d be close in age and hoped they’d be able to enjoy a close friendship as I’d enjoyed with my cousins. It is, so far, working out well – there is a large distance between our families physically, but when we get the chance to spend time together the boys are great friends.

My sister in law is up for a short visit at the moment, and we made arrangements for myself and J to go round to my mum in laws house after school today for tea. I deliberately didn’t tell J until we were on our way home from school, as otherwise he’d have been miles too excited and it would have set me up for a problematic evening! We got there around half four, and the boys had fun playing with the Lego before tea; after finishing off turkey dinosaurs and smiley faces (a firm favourite of J’s) they went out in the garden to run off some excess energy – and I took this snap, which I love. I think it captures the friendship between them well; and I couldn’t be happier that J has a cousin close in age and he can experience that friendship.

Of course now the family has been added to with my sister in laws daughter, A, and on my side of the family my brother has his daughter, who has recently celebrated her first birthday, so they are all fairly close in age – certainly closer than I was with my cousins – and I look forward to many more days with them all playing together.

Today was the first day of my annual leave, and to round it off with a lovely visit like that really put the cherry on top. J had a bit of a fit when we were leaving, but it wasn’t a major meltdown and it was quickly and easily contained and dealt with, and we were merrily on our way. What a fantastic start to my time off work. Let’s hope it continues!

Peace, Love & Smiley Faces,

Mummy P

xxx

Updated Images

I felt like changing the photos on my page for an updated set.

Here's my newest banner.

Featuring my current favourite photo of myself, a cheeky shot of J, Lady O doing her best princess impression, Boy Dog looking sheepish and Girl Dog looking lazy - that sums up our household right now!

We're having a big turf out at our house at the moment. We've lived here 7 years now and in all that time we've just accumulated stuff, we haven't chucked a lot out, so now we're three people in a three bedroom house with two dogs and a dragon and we've got junk up to our eyeballs! Enough is enough! So I am slowly but surely working my way through the mountains of stuff and trying to get rid of all I can. It doesn't help that Daddy P is a hoarder.  My attitude is, chuck it. If you haven't used in in 6 months and it's gathering dust, chuck it. Daddy P prefers to keep things "just in case" The trouble is, his "just in case" places are the loft, or one of his three sheds, and now they're all full and there's still more "just in case" items, I'm finally winning him round. Last night he conceded we may as well chuck the ancient old PC monitor that he's been hanging onto for years that hasn't been used for almost four years and is unlikely to ever be used again, but he wanted to put in the loft. Well it's too heavy, he can't get it up there himself and I'm no help to him doing it, so it can't go in the loft which means he is going to have to get rid of it. Finally. We're getting somewhere.

What should be the dining room of our terraced home has always just been the computer room as far as we're concerned - we've never had a dining table in there. As time has gone on it's become less a computer room - not least when my computer died and we couldn't afford to replace it - so it's become a kind of home office containing all my work files and folders, as well as our collection of cookery books (of which there are many!) a vast printer and a scanner linked with Daddy P's PC and all our paperwork, filed and unfiled, in piles and boxes around the room. Daddy P finally sorted out the black bin bag of junk that had been sitting on one of the swivelling chairs for over a year while he was off work this week. He insists it hasn't been that long, but I spoke to my mum, and she's convinced it's a year since we did the last big clean up in that room and first put that bag of stuff there for Daddy P to go through and sort out. Anyhoo. It's done now. The majority of it has been thrown away, but the stuff he wants to keep he has piled on top of my stuff still to sort out. Hmm. Looks like I'll still be refining this down a lot more!

Once that's done we're painting the little front bedroom and giving it a freshen up to sort it out to be used as a functioning room again, instead of it being used as a storage room for everything else that doesn't have a home! I got a new clock the other day, I'm very proud of it but Daddy P seems less sure - I don't care, I'm enjoying having fun decorating and choosing bits and bobs! It's going to look fabulous, I can't wait!

Well Daddy P is out tonight and like the one true rebel that I am, I have decided on having a hot chocolate and an early night!

Catch up with you soon,

Mummy P

x x x x

Carseat Laws

At the beginning of April, there was a bit of a fuss about new carseat laws. Statements released by various official bodies were worded confusingly and caused a lot of concern amongst parents of young children.

It had a tidal wave effect on the company I work for as a result. We ended up doing Live Chats with customers with staff answering enquiries about it from first thing in the morning til last thing at night, and still more enquiries were coming in from panicked customers thinking that their product was no longer legal.

In July 2013 a new standard was introduced for carseats and carseat bases used for transporting children up to 105cm (approx. four years old) This standard is known as iSize. Maxi-Cosi helped develop and define the regulation for longer and safer rearward travel, which is found to be safest for babies up to the age of fifteen months (it is recommended to continue rear facing for as long as possible for optimum protection) This standard was then ratified in April 2015, formerly known as the standard R129, and this is where the confusion began.

Official bodies released statements regarding R129 / iSize, stating that From April 2015 the new law was in effect and all babies must travel rear facing until 15 months old. Customers were concerned – their carseat didn’t offer enough space for this / their babies were younger than 15 months old and were already forward facing, what did this mean for them? Maxi-Cosi took to social media to reassure their customers as quickly as possible.

The iSize standard rules about your baby rearfacing til 15 months only apply if you are using an iSize standard product (such as Maxi-Cosi 2wayPearl & 2wayFix combination / PebblePlus & 2wayFix combination or AxissFix) If you are using these products, you must comply with iSize law and your child must remain rear facing until at least 15 months old (though longer is preferred and can be continued with 2wayPearl until 105cm and AxissFix until 87cm)

What is iSize?

The older regulation R44-04 remains a relevant law / standard. There must be a period of time to phase out one regulation and phase in the replacement. This amount of time is anticipated to be many years – if your child is currently in an R44-04 standard carseat, this is fine and remains legal. If you are using these products, you comply with R44-04 standard law. This means that a Group 0+ infant carrier must be used rear facing only to a maximum of 13kg / Group 1 toddler seat is suitable from 9-18kg. If you’re unsure on the guidelines for the model carseat you have, contact the manufacturer with a photo of the orange and white label on the back of the product – this will tell them all they need to know about the item, and they can provide you with any information you may need about the standard it meets, the way it must be fitted for correct use, and the weight limit suitability.

Parents whose vehicles do not have IsoFix points are unable to use iSize standard products – part of the legislation regarding iSize is that fitting is done by IsoFix. This is because IsoFix is easier to fit correctly than when using a 3 point seatbelt. A carseat or base fitted with seatbelt is just as safe in an accident if it is fitted and used correctly. However an IsoFix fitted unit is easier to fit correctly, which makes it simpler to use and less likely to be incorrectly fitted. The cost of iSize standard products is also currently quite high in comparison to units that meet R44-04 standard – this is a reflection of the cost the manufacturers have gone to in order to have test centres available for them to test their products to iSize standard and ensure it passes with flying colours. iSize crash testing is a lot more in depth than the R44-04 standard so you can be sure this product will protect your precious cargo.

 Rear facing and comfortable in Vauxhall Corsa aged 3.5 yrs

I used Maxi-Cosi 2wayPearl and 2wayFix base for J in my parents vehicles (I don’t have IsoFix in my car) He was always rear facing when he used this combination – in a Vauxhall Insignia and in a Vauxhall Corsa. Despite being a very tall child, J was always comfortable rear facing and never once did he have a strop or argument about getting in rear facing. It was more awkward for him to climb in himself from the same side the seat was on, but he would happily climb in the opposite side (after taking his shoes off) and climb into the carseat without issue. In the Corsa we removed the headrest from the back seat as otherwise it blocked his view – we didn’t need to move the front passenger seat so there was no loss of leg room for that passenger, and almost every time he went anywhere in the Corsa using this combination he fell asleep. He’d cross his legs in front of him as he got taller, but despite hitting the 105cm maximum height the week before his fourth birthday I could still get him in it rear facing and be comfortable. In the Insignia again there was no need for the front passenger seat to be moved so no loss of leg room for the passenger but it was more awkward to get him into the seat due to the angle of the sloped roof on the Insignia – it left him with limited head room when he was getting into or out of the carseat, though this occurs whether forward or rear facing.

When people say their child is too tall for rear facing I always think of how comfy J was in his 2wayPearl all that time – children are a lot more flexible than adults, and it’s more natural for them to sit with their legs crossed in this way – they do it at school sitting on the carpet after all, J does it at home watching the telly, so why do people think it will be so uncomfortable to do it in a carseat?

Apart from that, to perhaps sound brutal but I’m being honest, I’d rather a broken ankle than a dead child, or a child with a broken neck or serious back injuries. Forward facing babies before they are physically able to withstand the force of an impact is a huge risk. Chances are the baby will be absolutely fine, as long as you never have an accident, but that’s a big risk to take. The idea of iSize is to take away the guesswork and judgement of people tempted to forward face too early and instead of a weight which the child may reach at a much younger age than it’s peers, it’s better to provide an age as a cut-off point and say this is the minimum. It makes things clearer, easier to understand, and unable to be misinterpreted.

iSize is the way of the future, but we’re a long way off it becoming commonplace yet – then again, look how far we’ve come in the last 20 years? People argue that their baby was OK, they were OK, with how things used to be. Well, that’s great. But look at the numbers of babies who weren’t OK with how things used to be. The babies we lost because society then didn’t know about things we know about now. When my mum was a baby she didn’t use a carseat – but then you’re talking about a time before there were so many cars on the road; the cars that were there were driving more slowly. Still accidents happened, but we know now that we can prevent babies becoming fatally injured in a car accident, why would we not want to do that, if we can? Regardless of whether they “prefer to be forward facing” (yes, I’ve heard that six months old can even voice their opinions on this matter!) My son prefers to eat cake and not vegetables, but do I allow him? No, because I know as his parent it is more important for him to eat his vegetables than it is to eat cake. So I have to put up with the moaning and the temper tantrum of getting him to do one thing instead of the other because I am his mum and it is up to me to look after him as best I can do. Whether that’s eating his veggies or travelling in a rear facing carseat, it will happen because it is my job to take care of him.

For the moment, iSize is an option you can choose to use if you want to. Would I recommend it? Of course. It’s the safest possible option. However, I know it’s not for everyone – I don’t have IsoFix in my car, so I can’t use these new style seats, I know I’m not the only mum in that position. The point is, be informed about your choices, be informed about what is available and what changes are being introduced and be informed about the products you buy and use for your children. At the end of the day they are your children to look after the best you can do.

Peace, Love & Safe Travelling,

Mummy P

X x x x

I was not paid by Maxi-Cosi to write this blog piece. All words, opinions and statements made are entirely my own and are in no way a reflection or record of statement of fact made by Maxi-Cosi. 

An Update on J

06.05.15

So far, J remains unlabelled and undiagnosed. We’ve been in discussions with the SENCO at his school now for some time and both she and the school are very supportive of J’s requirements and he was fortunate enough to have an evaluation quite early on from the child development psychologist who agreed that further investigation was required as some of J’s behavioural tendencies are not within the ‘standard’ parameters. For the most part, I couldn’t give a hoot – he’s still J, regardless of what label and diagnosis he may or may not end up with – but I want the support there for him, I want to know that everything was done to support him, and his learning and development.

Following the child development psychologist evaluation, I then took J to visit the GP as the school are unable to refer a child directly – it has to go through the GP. I took with me a letter from the SENCO recommending that further investigation was needed, as well as the report from the psychologist and my own folder which has a diary of sorts, noting down events or days that have been particularly good or particularly bad, for whetever reason, noting down things that have happened etc, just to see if we can find a pattern for the behaviour and also to show that there are times, listed and dated, when his behaviour is off the scale and I don’t know what to do.

The GP briefly read both reports, watched J play for 30 seconds and announced that she didn’t feel there was anything to be concerned with and what made me think there was any issue. I pushed my thick yellow folder of notes across the desk to her. “Do you have time to read it all?” I asked. I showed her a video, perhaps the quickest way of getting someone to stop and pay attention to what you’re saying – actual recording, documented proof of the behaviour described being played out. She watched it. “I’ll refer him,” she said, “But I warn you, it’ll be a long wait for an appointment.”

Within a couple of weeks the thick envelope came through from the unit regarding J’s recommendation and asking me a whole bunch of questions about him, his behaviour, everything. It was massive to fill in and took me ages, but it was worth it to get it all documented and get the wheels in motion so to speak. A second thick envelope was included for me to give to the school, which I addressed to the SENCO, and now we wait.

J’s behaviour, on the whole, has been a lot better in recent weeks. He has still had some moments, but generally speaking he has been really good. We’re doing a sticker diary now, so at bedtime we go through the days events and he gets stickers for things that he did well and we discuss the good and the not so good aspects of each day. Then he adds up how many stickers he got that day – if he gets a set amount of stickers (or more) within a week then he gets a special reward. His rewards so far have been simple, easy to accomplish requests – two weeks ago he wanted McDonalds for dinner, and to eat in rather than get take-away! Last week he asked for a new game – Daddy P got him Minecraft on the PS3 and he’s absolutely crazy about it.

Today he decided to be a pickle and he ran off around the playground at hometime with his best friend instead of walking nicely with me. It took 15 minutes until we left the playground. I made it clear why I wasn’t impressed with that, and he apologised and seemed to understand. I deliberately draw a line under things in a set amount of time so that he understands each ‘section’ of the day, otherwise each day is so long with no end in sight for him, so we break it down as much as possible, which I have found helps with his understanding of time as well as when we do the reward stickers in the diary each evening. So between school pick-up and getting home is one segment of time – once we were home, the next segment began, and since that point he has been really good again. I think sometimes he needs to just run off some steam with K. Maybe one night after school now the weather is getting better we can take both of them to the park or something for a picnic tea and let them run around for a while and wear themselves out. I might suggest it to K’s mum.

It’s been a while since I sent off the form for his assessment, but we’ll see what happens! Hopefully the SENCO has sent back her form, there was a warning on the letter that it had to be returned by a certain date or they’d discharge him with no further action so I might have to double check with her that the form was returned on time, though I’m sure it was. She must be used to this sort of thing in her position!

Time to go and cook my dinner now …

Peace, Love N Pizza,

Mummy P

xxxx